Oath To Order

It's been quite some time since my fall from grace, hasn't it? Well, since this place is a barren land, I might as well engrave the truth for any lucky wonderer to find.

It was the Autum of 2010 which it all started. I noticed someone's BMGf account pleading for help. So I decided to get involved. It was her. Her account had been hacked and she was using a sock puppet to ask for help. I sympathized with her, because of a past experience of my own. I refered her to a staff member to tell them everything. Evidently, she'd gotten her old account back. Be it from my help or her own will, I'm not certain.

We had started talking soon afterwards. She quickly assimilated into our community of friends. A close friend of mine even went as far as to advertize her as the "nicest preteen on BMGf." Honestly, I wanted to kick him in the face for showing her off, but I digress. We began growing closer as the days grew colder. And we started sharing things about ourselves, such as our names, interests, favorite Pokémon, and so forth. But it wasn't until a bit later that we started to share stories of our lives. She had told me about a perverted stalker who would follow her home and stare at her chest. I guess that's how it started.

After I listened to that story, I made her promise something to me. I made her promise me that she would do her very best of her ability to stay safe. And in return, I would wait for her to become of age and go to her, so we could meet face to face in person. Afterwards, we would have a first, and possibly final, Pokémon battle to determine who has more love for it all. She agreed.

We grew closer and closer. She thought of me as an older brother, but I felt more. It wasn't until she had her user name changed to "Amber" that people saw my true feelings for her. Rainbow even called it adorable. Even when Winter came, my heart was still kept warm because she was still by my side. This was evident on the days that soon followed November 15, 2010. On that day, my father had passed away. I didn't know what to think, what to do, nor what to feel. I was just a former shell of myself, doing absolutely nothing. And I stayed away from BMGf for a week. And once I returned, I saw how concerned she was about me. I felt awful about myself, for letting her feel so concerned. So I came back to her with high spirits, so she wouldn't need to feel concerned over my own health. But she was able to lift my spirits up on her own... and I was thankful to have met her.

Things were going great. People started seeing us as a couple. Most certainty, Kuromi. She tried to round us up together and finally turn us into an official couple. But I told her to stop. I was afraid of entering a relationship because I've never been in one before. Even so, people still saw us as one embodiment of harmony. Until that one day... when Thriller came along. He also fell for her, and it broke my heart. You see, back then, Kuromi started to complain about me, and Thriller decided to call me a hypocrite. I got mad. Eversince, he's had it out for me. For the upmost idiotic reasons as well, such as my partial fondness for Metallica, or my favor for Metagross over Magnezone. Shallow moron...

She would always talk to me through Private Messages about how much she was disturbed by him. I would always offer to help, but she claimed that she was able to take care of herself without my help. But she just let him bother her more... effectively breaking our promise. She soon saw how devostated I was over it, and she reassured me that she would try harder to keep it. But on one condition. She made me promise something to her as well. She made me promise that, no matter how low I feel or how sad my current situation was, or even if I felt unloved and uncared for, I could always come to her for comfort and warmth. And in return, she would keep my promise. I agreed.

As Thriller kept hurting me through law-abbiding methods, I learned to ignore him and focus on her. When we got to the subject of us giving birth to a new relationship, I was reluctant at first to do so. I was afraid that people would tease her for being in a relationship with someone of my age. But she didn't care. She still wanted to be with me, regardless of what other might think of or do to her. That touched my heart deeply. And, in the end, people didn't see us as a negative couple. If anything, everyone approved of us. People of her own age, people of my own age, and even the adults. The ones who supported us the most were the staff members we were friends with. I couldn't believe I was so lucky to have gotten in a relationship with such a beautiful, sweet, caring girl. I never wanted those days to end.

Because of my horrible, terrible past, I was emotionally vulnerable to everyone's affection. And she had told me those three magical words.

I love you.

I was shocked. I never imagined that she could ever love a monster like me. But it happened. I was in love with her too. I wanted to be there for her, to comfort her, to always carry her in my arms whenever she fell down. I couldn't have possibly asked for anything else in the world to make me happier. Her love for me was all I needed to stay warm. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. At all.

And we stayed in love. Until that awful day came. When BMGf was going through the upgrade. We were separated, and I was sad, because I missed her greatly. It wasn't a few days later when someone approached me and told me I could join Zoroark's Nightmare to speak with her. How could I refuse? But it was a mistake. The people there weren't as kind to me as others were. They spoke about guilty pleasures of her body, and it disturbed me greatly. I didn't want to be there. But I didn't have any other choice if I wanted to stay close to her.

As the days went by, so did she. She started leaving me more and more alone to go to that nightmare. I worried for hours on end if she was safe. But she never bothered to talk to me until the end of the day or unless I went with her. But their talk about her kept disturbing me more and more. I wanted to unleash my anger, but I was afraid that they'd ban me, since everyone there was a staff member, save for 5 people. I was getting depressed.

And she left me more and more, to the point where I went for a couple of weeks without any word from her. I went insane. She was all I had left, and she wasn't with me anymore. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up with migrain headaches every morning. I couldn't eat because I lost my appetite and I felt her warmth leave me. I didn't want to be alone, so I tried to talk to her. I tried and tried and tried to talk to her repeatedly, but she ignored me. No matter how sad I was, she wouldn't come and comfort me.

She broke my promise for me.

I tried so hard to be with her again, until it somehow happened. But it wasn't enough.

June 16, 2011. 11:00 PM Central. She broke my heart. She left me for someone else; the one who would always talk about her body behind her back and disturb me. I was devostated. I wanted to kill myself. She tried to stop me, but only a grand total of three times before she told me to burn in Hell. She had broken both of our promises in one foul swoop.

I hated everyone and everything. I tried my very best to summon the will to commit suicide, until I was approached by a select few. Rayne was the first. He was the only man who I was able to tell all of my secrets to. I told him everything. I told him the entire story, and we talked everything out. I was also approached by Nee-nee through Skype. We spoke things out through there too, and she started to cheer me up. And last, but not least, Madam Commander came to me. I spoke with them, because I couldn't quite trust anyone else to keep my feelings safe. As a final attempt to keep myself alive, I asked for a week off and away from BMGf to ponder on everything.

I headed to Serebii to relieve my anger. From the very beginning, I knew that that place was no good at all. Filled with nothing but rejects and outcasts who take up space and have no emotions. So I decided to join and maybe even flame random people and random things. One of those was that God-awful nightmare that did this to me. But they showed up.

They insulted me as worse as a person could ever be insulted. They called me dirty names and told me to die. I was still mad and I lashed back out at them. They then grew afraid and impetuous at my change of attitude and lied to me by claiming that they only wanted to help. I don't know what those nightmare blokes have in their heads, but insulting someone and telling them to die isn't a form of help to me. So I designed a plan. I planned to feed her hatred towards me to the point of never wanting to see me ever again.

But that friend of hers saw my plan. She wanted me to be in her life again. She told me that she still loved me like a brother. But there was no way I would subcome to her. I warned her nice and clear, that if she were to remain in my life any further, we would all end up getting hurt... but she didn't listen. She kept dragging me back in. She wanted to throw me into her life to make her happy, with no concern whatsoever over how I might feel about it. I tried to keep her away. I tried to show her how hurt I was, how pitiful and sad my life already was with or without her. But she didn't care. She was too stubborn to let me kick her out of my life for good.

Over 300 Private Messages later, I decided to do the unthinkable. I had to hurt her. Bad enough to get her to stay away from me forever on her own accord. But it was too late. She and I were banned from BMGf for a month. I warned them as clear as day that this was going to happen. But did they listen!? NOOOO!!! They just wanted to make her happy without letting me get right to it!!! How DARE they drag me back into the nightmare that took my angel away from me, HUH!?!?!?!?

...Days went by. I was ready to talk out the entire situation with her like a mature adult and put everything to rest. Surprise surprise, she just ignored me more. Looks like she just wants these unresolved issues and compromises to die on their own, just like my life. Looks like she never actually loved me to begin with either. Just another lie. And days later, one of my friends who's gone off to UT sent me a preview of a drawing I requested and paid to have made. I forgot all about it. I was going to give it to her for her birthday this year. So I told her to pull the plug on it. I told her what had happened. She honored my wish, but she's unable to give me back my last shreds of money. So I took the preview and gave it to her, since I don't believe in wasting money. Not in the unfortunate condition I'm in.

This is only the beginning of our time forced away from BMGf. She still has her nightmare friends and her perverted boyfriend, but I have almost nothing left, nor anyone to talk to. For I'd given up everyone and everything else to be with her alone. To pass the time, I decided to play Pokémon again. But most of my teams, and even from my previous gameplays and years of training, still reminded me of her. So I decided to release every single one that reminded me of her.

Here is the list of those that I released in Pokédex order along with the reason:

Venusaur: Has traces of yellow, her favorite color.
Charizard: Has traces of yellow.
Blastoise: She adores Water-types.
Butterfree: It can learn Psychic. She was fond of Psychic-types.
Pidgeot: Has traces of yellow.
Pikachu: Has traces of yellow.
Ninetales: She was fond of both foxes and its evolutionary line.
Wigglytuff: She thought it was cute.
Parasect: Has traces of yellow.
Arcanine: Has traces of yellow.
Alakazam: Has traces of yellow.
Machamp: Has traces of yellow.
Rapidash: Has traces of yellow.
Dewgong: She adores Water-types.
Hypno: Has traces of yellow.
Kingler: She adores Water-types.
Seaking
Lapras: She adores Water-types.
Dragonite: Has traces of yellow.
Mewtwo: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Mew: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Meganium: Has traces of yellow.
Typhlosion: Has traces of yellow.
Feraligatr: Has traces of yellow. She also adores Water-types.
Lanturn: Has traces of yellow.
Bellossom: Has traces of yellow.
Espeon: She liked it.
Umbreon: She liked it.
Magcargo: Has traces of yellow.
Raikou: Has traces of yellow.
Entei: Has traces of yellow.
Suicune: She adores Water-types.
Lugia: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Ho-Oh: Has traces of yellow.
Celebi: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Sceptile: Has traces of yellow.
Blaziken: Has traces of yellow.
Swampert: Evolves from her favorite Pokémon.
Gardevoir: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Skitty: She thought it was cute.
Wailord: She adores Water-types.
Flygon: She thought it was cute.
Milotic: She adores Water-types.
Walrein: She adores Water-types.
Gorebyss: She adores Water-types.
Metagross: She was fond of Psychic-types. Shiny form also has traces close to yellow.
Kyogre: She adores Water-types.
Jirachi: Her favorite legendary.
Infernape: Has traces of yellow.
Empoleon: She adores Water-types.
Luxray: Has traces of yellow.
Garchomp: Has traces of yellow.
Lucario: Has traces of yellow.
Toxicroak: Has traces of yellow.
Electivire: Has traces of yellow.
Magmortar: Has traces of yellow.
Togekiss: She likes it.
Dusknoir: Has traces of yellow.
Uxie: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Mesprit: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Azelf: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Giratina: Has traces of yellow.
Cresselia: Has traces of yellow.
Manaphy: She adores Water-types.
Shaymin: She thought it was cute.
Arceus: Has traces of yellow.
Victini: Has traces of yellow.
Emboar: Has traces of yellow.
Samurott: She adores Water-types, and her name is in its name.
Lilligant: Has traces of yellow. She also thought it was cute.
Crustle: Has traces of yellow.
Carracosta: She adores Water-types.
Archeops: Has traces of yellow.
Zoroark
Eelektross: Has traces of yellow.
Beheeyem: She was fond of Psychic-types.
Chandelure: Has traces of yellow.
Zweilous: Name is of German influence.
Reshiram: She preffered it over Zekrom.

A total of 79 different Pokémon. My current and final team consists of Garbador, Golem, Klinklang, Krookodile, Muk, and Donphan. They're what I'll use forevermore.

My entire world is crashing down around me. Almost all of my friends left me alone, one of my childhood friends died days ago, and I lost the love of my life. I guess I was a moron to think that someone could actually love me, wasn't I? Day in and day out, it's always been the same. People lied to me, hurt me, and left me alone. I was stupid to think that she wouldn't be one of those people.

Why am I still living!? Honestly. My life is horrible! I'm dirt-poor, my own mother wants me gone, and I'm left for dead. God, why haven't I killed myself yet? I was sort of looking forward to going to Hell to meet up with my old man. I would've given him a piece of my mind, and the whole of my fist. Someone once told me that love knows no bounds. It's ageless and will always comfort you. Well, Star, you were wrong. The relationship between two girls will never change. They can be separated for years, and they would meet up again as if they last saw each other yesterday... But the relationship between a man and a woman can never go back to being the same.

Most people who I've spoken to as of late see something different in me. The ask me "what happened to the kind-hearted and caring GM we knew? Where did he go?" Ha! That loser died long ago! I don't need that moron to tell me who I am and what I do!

Would I ever take her back? I don't think so. Back then, I was afraid to trust her because she wouldn't tell me what she truly felt or what her situation was. Now I can't trust her for far more. I guess being alone forever is what God intended for me...

The End